Out of Sight Out of Mind

Sir and I went over our Contract and went out to have a late dinner to discuss not only my transgressions these last few weeks but the necessary changes to be made. First on the list to discuss; Sir wants to me to call him Master at all times in our privacy, I am to refer to him as Sir in Public unless otherwise told and by his given name in front of Friends and Family who are unaware of our lifestyle. This is acceptable and agreed upon.

My 1950’s Lifestyle has gone by the wayside while I’ve been alone, I’ve used the conveniences of our little utility apartment and neglected my contractual duties. I’ve also neglected to change out of my outside clothing upon returning home in the evening, in addition to purchasing unnecessary fast food meals on my way home to avoid cooking, and that is certainly unhealthy. This is not only costly but certainly not within my allotted daily budget. I became lazy in all aspects of my life, I was tired and cranky.  I didn’t find the time to exercise nor did I masturbate as I should have. I made no time for reading or journaling. I lost interest in everything and it didn’t take long at all to fall into this mess, no wonder marriages become boring and stale.

Master was upset at first, but I’ve been very attentive to His needs and demands this week. Part I of my punishment was a spanking with a large metal spatula, a wooden spoon, and His hand two days ago while the plug was in my ass and although he has forgiven me it was made clear the punishment was not over, there would be more forthcoming for me to understand that contractual duties are not to be dismissed whenever one party is not present.

Part II – While out to Dinner, He had me wear a velvet choker, to address him as Master out in public tonight and comply to any demand without hesitation. When He asked me to expose my nipples while sitting at a booth inside a bar/restaurant, I did as told. I don’t think it may have been but a minute or two, but this went on periodically during the night much to the amusement of some male patrons sitting at the Bar and a very quizzical beautiful bartender. She glanced my way often not sure what to make of our situation, I smiled warmly back not to arouse any suspicion that anything was amiss. Master pointed his finger down for me to slip my nips out, and up when he thought it was time to be covered without missing a beat in our conversation or meal. While I admit I am an exhibitionist and this also sexually excited me, I also knew Master had a reason for this and He was the only one going to receive gratification tonight and well deserved. I must admit, I was permitted to have a glass of wine, so I don’t know if it was that that made my face flush or my knowing my pussy was getting very hot and wet.

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Once We got in the car, Master told me to remove my shirt for the ride home and hike my skirt up to reveal my pussy. I did as told and he was quiet till we arrived at the apartment with a few pinches and tweaks of my nipples at every red light or stop sign.

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Once we arrived at the apartment, He said, “These are mine and this is mine” as he pinched my nips once again, and cupped his hand over my vagina. “Yes Master”. He unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car, I put my cami shirt back on, he came over and opened my door and held his hand to help me out of the car and we proceeded up the stairs. Once outside our door I knelt and thanked Master for our evening and his forgiveness. He again said all has been forgiven, and told me to get inside and prepare for an end to the evening. As old as we are getting, this man can still give me butterflies in my stomach and shivers down my spine.

Final Thoughts – Lesson Learned, I am back on track, and will be diligent in my choice of servitude and how I want to live my marriage while not only in his presence but in his absence as well. If for any reason there is a contradiction to our contractual agreement, I will be honest and forthcoming with my husband/Master my thoughts and feelings as to changes in my life in any way that we may need to alter or suspend our agreement for any length of time. It is otherwise unfair to Master or myself to expect anything less than full compliance and honesty to our shared belief in our lifestyle if things are left unsaid.

Reboot to my Submission

Sir gave me a reprieve to focus on myself today to kickstart my submissive self and went to visit our sick family member.

I started the day off correctly getting Sirs shower ready, clothing prepared, taking care of his sexual needs, breakfast ready and on the table timely, and out the door he went with a smile. This to me is all I want in our marriage, It gives me so much warmth and satisfaction to please him.

I quickly cleaned up, put some laundry in the washer and went for a walk. I’ve neglected taking care of myself physically, but the fresh air felt good, cleared my mind, and i managed 2.5 miles!

I returned back to the apartment, did some stretching exercises with a yoga mat and blocks that were tucked away in a closet. My muscles are stiff, getting older does that, but hopefully my muscle memory hasn’t forgotten and won’t punish me sorely. Sir has decided Maintenance will be daily until he leaves to put my mindset back to where it should be, both will be a reminder of just how out of shape I really am, ugh.

I quickly took a hot shower, prepared myself by Sirs instruction today to be nude, collar on, buttplug inserted, and nipple clamps to be worn 10 minutes per every hour while researching the project of revisions for our contract. Knowing my body, Sir may be surprised how responsive I may be when he returns back later this afternoon, my pussy is already wet with anticipation. 

Distractions

Being away from home I have fallen from my submissive daily behaviors and agreed upon practices. A small example is not wearing my nipple clamps in the morning to set my sexual tone and submission for the day. My nips have now become sore and sensitive to touch with Sir here from so much manipulation, the fabric from a cotton t-shirt pains them. Feeling that pain all day is punishment enough, but Sir has other thoughts.

It may seem incidental, however there are obviously other infractions that while I have become distracted by life I’ve also become lazy, Sir has decided we should go over our Agreement to make changes for behavior modification in His absence. We’ve never been in a situation where we are apart for a long length of time with an occasional visit that my submission to Him has been tested.

To say He is not pleased with me is an understatement, I know I effed up and should not blame the difficulties in life as an excuse. He has worked hard to provide for me and enable me to be here, where I need to be He agrees, but not at the expense of the life I chose and want. Our lifestyle is not a comfortable convenience to be lived at home, it has to be real-time 24/7 anywhere, anytime, or it will not work for us. I admit I very much need this, I miss and crave Him when He is gone, I need His dominance and direction, this is who I am, I am not only His wife, I am His submissive in every aspect of my being. I have not only disappointed Sir, I’ve neglected myself as the person whom I believe to be, and for that I am ashamed.

Sir will be leaving to return home next weekend, in the interim He will be working from the apartment a few hours of the day and it is my job this week to research and list suggestions for revisions to our Agreement while He is doing so. After Sir considers them, we will make addendums where need be and a suitable punishment will be administered as He determines.

 

My Safe Space

I’ve been out of town a few months now, except for a brief return for the Xmas holidays, to be near a sick family member and to help whenever possible. Sir has been able to extend his visits as much as his work schedule will allow for his absence.  We rented a very small one bedroom efficiency apartment to give us some much needed privacy, I crave Our Normalcy, however crazy that may be to some.
I have never given much thought to how many live a D/s lifestyle apart and manage to maintain that dynamic. I miss the physical touch, the direction, the correction, the discipline, everything I took for granted within our relationship. It may sound silly, but just the sound of the key in the door as I wait in position on the other side to offer him his wine and remove his clothing to welcome his cock in my mouth if he so chooses, these are the daily things my mind and body aches for.
When Sir manages to visit, I am so grateful for the escape into our private world to release all those pent up emotions, to be rid of any expectations from others and to allow myself to focus on me, my marriage, my husband, my Submission.
The first thing I welcome is a good old fashioned maintenance spanking to bring me to my space to release those feelings, to be held and comforted, and to weep in Sirs arms till I fall asleep, because it is then I know I am safe and he is there to take care of me. 

 

Excited Anticipation

While preparing for our weekend it felt good to get back to my wifely duties feeling more of myself even if just lightly duties. I applied my nipple clamps and ironed Sirs clothes just like my submissive self. It not only felt good but right, something I have missed as a part of who I am. It’s time to get off the Pitty Potty and pull the Big Girl Panties on and accept the new life ahead of me. It will be difficult but I was never one to shy away from a bump in the road, so to speak.

And after much thought, i packed a few spanking implements, one new that I found at the bottom of a drawer that I must have forgotten about and still newly wrapped. I hope Sir is pleasantly surprised. I have butterflies in my belly with excited anticipation and only hope that I get a reddened butt by the time we return home.

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I decided to surprise Sir tonight before our little retreat with a greet at the door on his return from His weekend tryst. It’s been a few months since i’ve been there with glass of wine in hand and a simple dinner prepared. I even managed to put some lipstick on and freshen up my hair. Unfortunately I couldn’t maneuver being on my knees but the look on his face as he entered was one of genuine surprise as he smiled and took the glass from my hand.

He was pleased I was up off the recliner, that i was actually trying although there was no need to accommodate him in any way. I assured him it was as much for me as i wanted for him, I need to be and feel me again, even if for a very short while. I need “our” normalcy, whatever that may be because life lately has really been sucky to say the least.

We enjoyed dinner and spoke, I asked him if he could please consider a “light” discipline, as it was our contracted Sunday Maintenance Night. He immediately refused, not wanting to hurt me in anyway. I explained I very much needed the tension release. After much thought and begging on my part, he agreed as long as it was lightly with hand and no more than 10 swats if I could handle it.

I was able to prop myself over the arm of the chair with the help of some pillows and received my “light” Maintenance, each hand swat hesitating between every “light” tap. My butt didn’t even get the slightest bit of a pink hue.

So, In all honestly I didn’t feel a thing and didn’t want to push my luck and relate my disappointment. I have thought of packing an implement in the suitcase this coming weekend and omitting “light” from any form of Maintenance while presenting my case, but at the same time I don’t want to be sneaky in doing so.

 

 

 

 

 

A bit of an absence

I’ve not logged on in months, i apologize, so many personal issues have erupted in our lives and finding the time to sit down to blog was the furthest thing from my mind.

One is health, nothing is life threatening, but in this case both are serious concerns. One is mine and another a family member, both requiring major surgeries and recoveries. We’ll persevere, we are strong, it’s just so damn draining not only physically but emotionally.

Another is Sir’s and my relationship, TTWD has also been put on the back burner for obvious reasons and it hurts me to not be available 24/7 in the capacity he is accustomed to and needs. He never complains, he still has his weekend tryst, it’s just a different life these days.

We are planning a quick weekend away for a few days before things get real hectic in our lives, I am hoping we reconnect even if for a few short days. I long for not only his touch, but a gentle swat on the ass wouldn’t hurt me either.

I hope to check in every now and then, i enjoy reading everyone’s blogs, it keeps things in my life real.